Het Mtrixa: Rescrambled
by wh1te rabb1t 01
Summary: COMPLETE! It's back and funnier then ever before. In chapter nine, Neo goes into a coma, Link dies, and all your base are belong to me! 9TH CHAPTER LOADED
1. Meeting of the Absent Minds

**

Het Mtrixa:

** ** Rescrambled**

** Chapter One: Meeting of the (Absent) Minds**

A motorcycle flies over a building and a woman leaps off. The woman is tall, short-haired, and wearing tight, black leather which rips whenever she moves her hands. She leaps from the motorcycle.

"WOO HOO! I mean…this is a vital and necessary mission to the survival of the human race. I am taking it with utmost seriousness," says Finite.

The cycle crashes into a guard post. Finite lands and kicks a few guard asses. She opens her phone.

"Operator," answers Clink.

"I'm in."

"Excellent. So I have the ship to myself now, right?"

"Yes…"

"Great, I'm off to get Delilah the doll. See ya."

He hangs up.

Suddenly, Finite leaps out of a window of a large building, turning and firing backwards. Agent Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie jumps out after her, firing his weapon. Suddenly, Finite's eyes go wide. Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie slowly changes into Agent Smith before Finite's eyes. His clothes dissolve, leaving him butt naked. The two land. Finite's clothes fall off and the two go at it.

Peo wakes up in bed, screaming. All the crew rushes in through the door. Morphbus grabs him by the shoulder. "What up, coz?"

"Yea, what's happening, sugar?" asks Clink worriedly.

"You three disgust me. It feels good to have that off my chest," says Finite randomly.

"Nothing, just a bad dream," answers Peo. "And I wet the bed again."

Everybody falls silent for an awkward amount of time. Finite says, "That's disgusting," and runs out.

Morphbus lays a comforting hand on Peo's shoulder. "I bitch-slap her into submission later, homie, don't you worry. Was I in the dream?"

"GOD, NO!!!" screams Peo. "It was…Agent Smith. And Finite."

"Smith, eh?" inquires Clink. "Sounds good."

"EW!!!!!" cries Peo. "Is it time to go yet?"

"Actually, we're late. We were just waiting for you to wake up."

Peo: Why didn't you guys wake me?

"They were concerned because last time someone came into your room while you slept you "sleep raped" them," answered Clink. "I was all for waking you up. I even volunteered."

"Let's go to meeting now."

The door view port slides open. "What's the password?"

"Fo shizzle my nizzle dizzle," answered Morphbus.

"Oh, hey, Morphbus. Sup. Come on in."

Dobbie throws a stack of paper on the table. "These thermo-thingies confirm the last transmission of the _Whoops!_ The machines are digging."

Murmuring fills the room.

"A quarter of a million Sentinels. Those numbers can't be right!" protests Coward.

Morphbus suddenly enters the room, talking. "Why not, foo? One squid for every pimp, ho, and spawn in Lion? That sounds like the thinking of a machine to me. Or a druggie."

Dobbie nods to Morphbus. Finite's face is red and swollen, with numerous hand marks.

There suddenly came a pounding on the door. The guard slides the view port open again.

"I'm looking for Peo," says Obvious Agent Whose Identity Is Badly Masked.

"I wish I'd never heard of him. He is so annoying."

"Will you give him this package? You see, he showed me things I never thought were possible…"

The guard makes a disgusted face.

"Buzz off, you nasty-ass mother…Mother…MOTHER…AH! Can't swear!"

Peo comes up the stairs. "Who was that?"

"How did you know someone was here?"

"Because you yelled downstairs "Someone's here!""

"Oh. He gave you this."

Peo opens the package to reveal one of the Agents' thong radios. He looks up in fear.

"Agents are coming! Run!" The guard flings the door open and runs outside after yelling a vague warning downstairs.

"One of you should say behind in case the Oracle tries to contact us," Morphbus tells the crowd.

"Shit, I'll do it just to see what Block does to you," says Coward.

"I smack his bitch-ass down if he tries to mess with me and my crew," Morphbus informs the rebel.

"I didn't know you cared!" Trinity whispers in his ear.

"It's just an expression…" Morphbus assures her.

Agent Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie and Agent Nameless burst in. Peo screams like a little girl or possibly my friend Justin.

"They're all down there!" Peo panics, pointing to the stairs.

"Thank you," says Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie. "Nameless, take them!"

"All by myself?"

"Hell yes!"

Nameless sighs and runs down stairs. Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie turns to Peo.

"DIE PEO!!!"

"AH!" Peo screams, running out into the night and taking to the air with a flying leap.

Eventually, all the other rebels reach exits also, but the process requires the choking of a small horse, numerous naked chickens, a dildo, and Finite naked.

"Where my chuzzin' Peo?" asks Morphbus, back on the _Nebizzle._

"He's doing his superman thang…" answers Clink admiringly.

Peo is flying above the clouds. He spots a jet and flies out in front of it, mooning the pilot. The jet crashes. He flies to the Oracle's apartment and looks inside. Seeing no one, he decides to go to a club where he meets a girl.

"Hi," the One says. The girl returns his greeting. "Wanna dance?" Peo asks. "Sure, why not?" she answers, taking off her dark Agent-like glasses. They make there way out onto the dance floor. They dance the night away. Soon, they decide to retire. "My place or yours?" the girl asked. Peo thinks for a while before remembering he has _no place_. "Uh…yours…"

The girl leads Peo to an apartment building. Peo strips out of his Matrix-thong uniform, and eyes the girl. She refuses to move. 

"Hello???" Peo says.

"Uh…I changed my mind…"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!" Peo yells. He rips open her shirt, displaying a hairy chest. He falls back in horror. "OH MY GOD!"

The girl sighs. "You have discovered me…" She strips.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The girl has become Agent Kiss. "Understand this, Mister Handerson. We never met. GOT THAT??"

"Yes."

Kiss leaves and Peo phones Clink, who takes him to an exit. The exit, however, leads to a room on the _Nebizzle _that is empty save Clink, who is wearing tight leather and approaching Peo with a whip. Suddenly, a voice calls from upstairs.

"We're almost to The Pad, homies, come up."


	2. Fo Shizzle My Neo Dizzle

** Chapter Two: Fo Shizzle My Neo Dizzle**

The _Nebizzle _floats majestically through the air. A signal beams out from the hovercraft, contacting Zion. Morpbus's voice sounds over the radio.

"This is the _Nebizzle _requesting permission to dock."

"Sure, why not?" answers Control. "Arms, stand down."

Arms shrugs good-naturedly and stands down.

"No, I meant weapons at the _Nebizzle_'s dock - too late."

Laser cannons fire out at the _Nebizzle._ The ship is hit by the attacks many times and soon crashes to the ground. The crew climbs out of the flaming wreckage.

"Is everyone okay?" Morphbus asks worriedly.

"Peo's dead!" screams Finite in a suspiciously joyful voice.

"WHAT?!" yells Morphbus back, just as happily.  
"Just kidding…" Finite confesses sadly.

"DAMN!"

Peo looks at him.

"…You, Finite, for lying to me," finishes the captain.

"_That_ makes me feel better." Says Peo sarcastically.

The crew walks through the gates and enters Zion. They are about to reach the elevators when a Kid rushes up to Peo, leaps on him, and starts beating him.

"BITCH!" yells the Kid.

"GOD!!!! GET HIM OFF ME!!!"

Finite sighs. "Baby…" She reaches over and yanks the furious Kid off Peo.

"Thanks…"

"THIS ISN'T OVER YET, PEO…" the Kid yells as he is dragged away by the Zion police.

"This is the last time I _ever _come here again. So I took the kids stupid beanie baby!!! They're only worth five dollars!" yells Peo.

Morphbus looks at him. "Yea, but you stole a limited addition Commander Block super beanie with commanding action."

Finite nods in agreement. "What'd you do with that anyway?"

"Burnt it."

The rebels all get in an elevator and travel upwards. Clink and Morphbus get off at one floor and Finite and Peo continue up to Peo's floor. The door opens again and there are many people are waiting outside the elevator. They yell and begin to hurl shit at Peo. He hits the "door close" button.

"Damn unbelievers…" Peo sighs.

"Well, their religion _does _have heavy penalties for molesting livestock. Your fault," Finite reminds him.

"Listen, I can't go there. Can I stay with you tonight?"

"No."

"Morphbus!" Commander Block yells in a rage, pounding one of his beanies on the desk for emphasis. "You disobeyed my orders again! I'm so pissed, but you can't tell from this scene."

"Okay," Morphbus answers.

"Get out of here," Block yells in a rage.

"He must stay in command," the Councilor says to Block.

"Why?" Block asks pleadingly.

The Councilor gives a high, false cough that sounds suspiciously like "plot device." He and Morphbus leave the room. Block turns to his beanies.

"No one understands me but you guys," he says, cuddling one to his face.

"We are Lion! And we are not afraid!" yells Morphbus. The crow cheers. Suddenly a small spider drops down on Morphbus's shoulder. He screams like a girl. 

"AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!! FINITE!!!!!!!!!!!"

People begin to dance stupidly. Peo and Finite have sex. Morphbus flirts with Dobbie. Block is mad. Dobbie leaves with him. 

"I'm bored already. At least in this parody we didn't have to see Peo's ass…yet," he says to himself. From nearby, Clink says to himself, "_I _wouldn't mind seeing Peo's ass."

That night, Peo can't sleep, possibly due to the large amounts of caffeine he has consumed in the form of aspirin-laced coffee. So he decides to take a walk over to the place where the scene is. 

"Hi," says the councilor.

"Sup?" Peo asks.

"Follow me," he orders. 

The councilor leads Peo down to the basement where there are a bunch of machines, devil worshipers, rapists, and anti-Peo cults.

"Look, machines! We need them."

"What's your point?"

"Old men don't bother making points. There's no point."

"That's not funny."

Pain and Coward run into the sewer, holding some sort of disk-thingy. Pain hands it to Coward, who leaves the Matrix. 

Agent Kiss suddenly runs up and does the hand thingy, turning Pain into another Kiss. Kiss straightens Kiss's suit and tie. Then the new Kiss exits the Matrix.

"Okay, the "Oracle" has contacted us and is asking to see Peo. Let's go, chuzzins," Morphbus explained, waking Peo.

"But I wanna sleep some more," complains Peo.

"Tough. We have bigger problems."

"Asshole…"

The rebels make there way to the dock, where the _Nebizzle Two Dizzle _has just been completed. Pain walks up behind the crew just as they are leaving.

"Hey, whazzup?"

"Uh, just came to see you off. Bye," Pain replies, eyes darting back and forth.

"You bleedin', homeboy."

"I'm a masochist."

"Oh, okay. Seems reasonable."


	3. Two's Company, One Hundred Two's A Crowd

** Chapter Three: Two's Company, One Hundred Two's a Crowd**

Peo enters a tea house. At a table, Bearaph is sitting and drinking tea. He gets up and bows to Peo.

"I can take you to the Oracle, but first, I must apologize."

"For what?" Peo asks suspiciously.

Bearaph hits Peo in the face. "For that."

"Ow!!"

Bearaph and Peo fight. Peo slaps Bearaph across the face. Bearaph sends Peo flying backwards into the wall. Peo gets up and throws a weak punch, which Bearaph catches and turns, making Peo fall to the ground. Bearaph starts kicking him. 

"You're not the One," Bearaph says to him.

"Am too!" Neo protests.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Get out."

Peo walks though a door that leads to a park where the Oracle is sitting on a bench feeding birds.

Oracle looks over at Peo and sighs. "Shouldn't Bearaph of kept you away?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. Have a seat."

"I don't want to."

"Fine."

They stay in their positions for about an hour. Suddenly, the Oracle yells, "Sit the fuck down, Peo.  
"I want to."

"Then sit down!"

"YOU SIT DOWN!!!!!!"

"I AM SITTING DOWN!!!!"

"YOUR MOM IS SITTING DOWN!!!!"

"I don't have a mom. I'm a program, Peo. A p-r-o-g-r-a-m. Get it through your damn head."

"I can't spell."

The Oracle smacks her forehead. 

"Let's cut to the chase. You need to find the Key Taker. He's a program – a compulsive liar – who steals anything he can get his hands on. He's attracted to shiny objects. He'll probably have the key you need to get into the Source. He is held by a powerful program called Jacques Chirac. Now I will let you ask any three questions."

"Does all my base is really belong to them?"

"Yep."

"Will I survive to make my time?"

"Probably not."

"What's the meaning of life?"

"Forty-two."

Bearaph grabs the Oracle and they leave through a door. Suddenly, ravens start cawing and flying up as if disturbed. From across the park comes Kiss. The ravens begin to attack the former Agent.

"AH!!!!!!!!" yells kiss. He starts shooting ravens and then sticks his hand in the last one. The raven gets a mini suit and mini sunglasses.

"Surprised to see me, Mister Handerson?" Kiss asks.   
"Uh…yes…because I **haven't **seen you since the last movie," Peo replies unconvincingly.

"Yes. Then you're aware of it."

"Of what?"

"Our _connection," _replies Kiss in a sexy voice, winking.

"Yuck…"

"I don't understand how it happened, perhaps some part of you imprinted onto me, something overwritten or copied, it is at this point irrelevant. What matters is whatever happened happened for a reason."

"And what reason is that?

"I dunno. Plot device?"

"Congratulations."

"Thank you. Without purpose we would not exist." Another Kiss suddenly walks in. He looks like Elrond from that big movie. 

"It is purpose that created us," Elrond says.

"Purpose that guides us," says Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

"Purpose that drives us," says Kiss. The Raven suddenly caws, panicking all the Kisses.

"We are here because of you, Mister Handerson," Kiss continues. "We are here to try to take from you what you tried to take from us. Hey, Peo! WAKE UP PEO!!!!!!

Kiss snaps his fingers in front of Peo's face. Peo wakes up.

"Beavers and ducks!" Peo screams.

"What?"

"Miss Peacock was a man?"

"WHAT???" asks Elrond in confusion.

"Bye."

"You're not going anywhere, bucko," says Priscilla, grabbing by the collar.

They all start fighting. Kiss kicks Peo in the balls, Elrond hits him on the head with a pole, Priscilla bites his leg, and Raven pecks his eyes out.

"AUGH!!!!!" screams Peo in pain. He picks up a large stick from the ground. 

"I'll tell you where you can stick your purpose, Kiss!!!" screams Peo in a fury. He swings the stick at Raven, who dodges it and poops on Peo's head. They fight some more. A bunch of other clones run out and start beating the crap out of Peo. Soon he is a bloody pulp. The clones all leave.

"That was easy," Kiss said to Elrond.

Peo suddenly rises from the ground and flies away.

"Why didn't he do that in the first place?" Clink asks himself.


	4. All French Food and No Toilet Makes Peo ...

** Chapter Four: All French Food and No Toilet Make Peo Constipated**

The crew of the _Nebizzle Two Dizzle _are sitting in a limo. The driver leans back to talk to them.

"So, you guys are terrorists?"

"Yep," Morphbus replies.

"Awesome. You know, it's about time someone fought back against the government. Why, in fact, just the other day, I was saying that to my wife. "Mary," I said, "It's about time someone fought back against the government." And she agreed you know, so we decided we might branch into terrorist work ourselves, but the other day my neighbor was saying –"

"SHUT UP!!" Morphbus yells, shooting the driver. The car careens out of control and Morphbus jumps forward to grab the wheel. He stops the car.

"We need a new driver," Peo says.

"No duh," Finite replies sarcastically.

The door opens and Kiss sits in the drivers seat.

"I'll help you guys out."

"Thanks."

They drive in silence for a few minutes.

"OH MY GOD!!! STOP THE CAR!!!" Peo screams.

"Huh?" Kiss asks.

"Stop!" orders Peo.

Kiss stops the car. Peo gets out and runs into a nearby pet store. The other rebels roll their eyes and follow him in. Peo is browsing through the selection of dogs.

"What are you doing?" Morphbus asks.

"I need a pet."

"You know you can't take it out of the Matrix with you, right?"

"LA LA LA!" yells Peo, covering his ears. "I'm not listening!"

"Fine."

Peo picks out a big, fat, pug.

"I think I'll name you "Finite.""

"Asshole," Finite mutters under her breath. Peo walks over to the store keeper.

"How much is that doggie in the window?"

"The one with the waggily tail?"

"How much is that doggie in the window? I do hope that doggie's for sale."

"Four hundred dollars."

"That's too much. You die now."

Peo shoots the store keeper and then goes on a rampage through the store, destroying everything except his new companion.

"Why'd you do that?" Morphbus asks.

"You know how dolphins sometimes get caught in tuna nets?"

"Yes…"

"Well, it has nothing to do with that."

"Can we go now?"

"Sure."

The rebels walk into the "Merovingian SuperStar Strip Club and All You Can Eat Buffet" restaurant. Inside they are led to the table where Jacques Chirac, his wife Desperatie, a bunch of pointless minions, and two White Supremacists sit playing cards. Jacques looks up.

"Oh, sheet. Here he iz at last. Peo, ze One himself. Right? And ze legendary Morphbus. Oh, and I see you brought a dog! What's iz name?"

"Finite," answers the One.

"Excellent," Jacques replies, tenting his fingers. "Please, sit, join us. This iz my wife, Desperatie. Something to eat? Drink?"

"Please," says Peo. eating a piece of cake.

"That had rat poison in it."

"AH!"

"I am just joking, yes? Ha ha ha, But really, you might want to go to a hospital."

Peo flies out through the roof. Desperatie sighs. 

"I've always wanted a sunroof."

"I love wine. Especially French wine. Don't you?"

"Actually, I – " starts Morphbus.

"Shut up. I'm talking here. I love the French language. It's fun to curse in. Sucer. Sucer sucer sucer sucer. Ha ha!"

"You know why we are here."

"Actually, I don't. I am a trafficker of drugs, I know everything about that but nothing about anything else. Ze question is, do you know why you are here?"

"Yes. We want the Key Taker."

"Yes, but he is a means, not an end, so to be looking for him, you are looking for a means to do, what?"

Morphbus, Finite, and Finite have fallen asleep. Peo returns.

"You know the answer to that question."

"But do you? You think you do but you do not. You are here because - "

Peo suddenly throws up all over the table. "Damn rat poison."

" - you were sent here. Zat is truth."

"Everything begins with choice."
    
     "Wrong. Choice iz an illusion, created between those with power and those with out. Zere iz a gap in zis system between thoz wiz power and zose wizout."

"No duh."

"Shut up. I'm still talking. Look at zat woman. See how ze affects everyone around her. Ze eats the pie and gets a rush. Her heart flutters. Ze grows hot. Iz it ze why? No. It iz-"

Peo starts snoring. Jacques screams at him.

"WAKE ZE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Huh? What? Where'd the clowns go?"

"Zat is it, no Key Taker for you." 

"Where goust thou?" Desperatie asks him.

"I drink too much vin, now I much pschitt!"

The rebels walk away and into an elevator. Finite makes out with White Supremacist One, and White Supremacist Two makes out with Finite. They all get in the elevator and leave. The door opens on Desperatie.

"If you want the Bee Keeper, come with me."

She leads them into a bathroom.

"This is quirky," Peo remarks.

"Kiss me baby, one more time!"

"One MORE?!" yells Finite in rage.

"Uh…just a song, dear," Peo replies nervously.

Finite shoots at Peo, and he dodges the bullet. It flies past him and hits a man peeing in the ass.

"Opps."

Peo kisses Desperatie long and hard. He slams her up against the wall of a stall and they start making out. Peo opens the door, pushes her inside, and looks it behind them. Sounds start coming from the stall. The rebels wait for about half and hour and the Desperatie emerges alone, her hair messed up and clothes crooked.

"Where is he?" Finite asks.

"Sleeping. I don't envy you."

"What about the Key Taker?"

"The guy you shot in the ass."

"Oh."


	5. Minoin No Function Toilet Well Without

** Chapter Five: Minions No Function Toilet Well Without**

The rebels walk out of the bathroom, hauling the unconscious Key Taker and Peo with them. The Taker wakes up.

"Who da hell is you?"

"Yo mama," Finite tells him. "You're the Key Taker, right?"

"No."

"Who are you?"

"I'm simple orphan that happens to be the love child of Kiss and the Oracle. They left me to die but Jacques found me and took me in. I grew up looking up to him like a father. He taught me the ways of Feung-Shei, the ancient art of feces consumption. When I reached the age of fourteen – "

"Shut up," Finite told him.

"Okay," said the Taker. "Here's your gun back.

Jacques Chirac suddenly bursts through the door followed by a bunch of pasty-looking minions.

"Run, homies!" yells Morphbus.

"What about Peo!?"

"Just drop him!"

"Okay…"

Finite drops Peo and runs away with the others. The two White Supremacists chase after them. Finite the dog stands over Peo, growling. Jacques Chirac's minions swarm forward and begin kicking the crap out of Peo, who soon wakes up.

"Ow!"

"I got to take a crap," one of the minions says.

"Damn it! That's what I get for screwing around with the cake's coding!"

"Ah, my stomach," yells minion two. He runs off.

"Ohmigod, The dam's breaking!" screams minion three, running to the bathroom.

"Just you and me, Jacques," Peo says.

"Look! A lorse!" Jacques cries, pointing.

"Where?" Peo asks, turning around. Jacques dashes off back to "ze restaurant" Peo shrugs.

"Whatever."

The three minions come running back.

"Oh, crap," says Peo. "I know! _I know a song that gets on everybody's' nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!"_

The three minions scream in pain and put their hands over their ears. Minion One races back to the bathroom. Finite dashes forward and bites Minion Two in the balls.

"AUGH!!!!!!!!! I need to use the bathroom."

Minion One returns.

"My turn! _99 bottles of beer, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, we all get drunk and fall on the ground! 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer…"_

"Peo starts to get woozy. His eyes close and he starts snoring and swaying in the air. He suddenly snaps out of it, grabs a spear, and stabs Minion One through the chest."

"AUGH!!!!!!!" he screams. Finite barks. Peo laughs at him.

Two returns from the toilet and beings singing. "W_hy'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way…"_

"You fiend…zzzz…"

"I think I just crapped my pants," Three confesses.

"That's disgusting," Two says.

"I know. Will you help me clean it?"

"Mmm…no. That's disgusting."

Peo wakes up. "Hahahahaha! You had an accident!"

Three suddenly starts bawling. "It's not funny! It's Jacques's fault he wrote my program bad!"

"There, there," says Two, patting her on back. Then he turns to Peo angrily. "See what you did, asshole?"

"Sorry. Here, let me give you some toilet paper."

"Thank you," sniffs Three, running off to the bathroom. Two and Peo look at each other awkwardly.

"So…" Two says.

"Yeah…let's fight some more."

Peo takes out a gun and shoots Two in the stomach eight times.

"Ha ha ha! Sucker. Hey, where'd my dog go?"

Peo walks around in search of his dog. He opens a door and finds the dog eating a cake.

"Hey, leave some for me!"

The dog barks threateningly at him.

"Gimmie!"

Desperatie walks in.

"Hey, that's my cake!" she yells, hitting Peo with a shoe. She steals the cake and runs back to the club.

"Wah…I'm gonna leave now," cries Peo, flying through the sunroof. Finite howls after him.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, let's say in a sleazy motel somewhere in the Matrix, the White Supremacists are chasing after Finite, Morphbus and the Key Taker. 

"Get the black one!" yells White Supremacist One.

"Yes, let's kill him now. Leave the girl," agrees the second racist.

"Fo shizzle, my homies, you just mad at a brother cause a brother is a brother! I gotta bounce! Catch ya later, dawgs!"

He runs towards the garage, first grabbing a giant dildo from a shelf. The White Supremacists race after him, flipping up their hoods and holding burning crosses aloft. Finite and the Key Taker arrive in the garage, and the Taker dives under a car to hide.

"AH!!!!!!!!!!"

"Start the car, bitch!" yells Morphbus.

"Fine," yells Finite back.

She runs off into the car and turns the key. The engine roars and she runs over the Bee Keeper. He crawls out from under the car and climbs in.

"Lynch him!!!!!!" yells One.

"Get the bitch!"

"Okay," One replies, running out.

The car pulls up besides Morphbus, and he jumps in. Finite puts the pedal down, roaring off.

"It's like Grand Theft Auto!! Like a video game!! Whee!!!!"

Supremacist One runs back into the garage holding Finite.

"Got her."


	6. Spins, Twins, and Automobiles

**Chapter Six: Spins, Twins, and Automobiles**

Finite's old Volvo, tie-dyed and painted in hippie scheme with flowers and peace logos, roars out of the garage and comes to a halt three feet from the exit. Morphbus swears. He kicks the door open and runs to the engine, flipping the hood up and hitting it a few times until the car starts again. He smashes the hood down and goes for the door, but before he can get in, Finite hits the gas, roaring away.

"Shit!" says Morpheus. A sports utility vehicle comes flying out from the garage

"Get the black one," says One. He turns the car sharply to the left, hitting Morphbus and sending him flying.

"Yes!" yells Two. "By the way, may I mention how awesome you look today?"

"Why, yes, you can!"

"Ouch," says Morphbus. He climbs back to his feet and steps into the road to stop a car. Three cars roar right past him, and a fourth almost hits him. He pulls up his pants leg and sticks his leg into the road, stopping a car.

The driver pokes his head out. "Need a ride?" Morphbus nods and hits him over the head with the giant dildo. He yanks the man's body from the car and climbs in, racing off after the van and Finite's Volvo.

Police cars stream onto the highway. Two of the cops suddenly vanish, being replaced by Agents Nameless and Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie. Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie climbs out of the car and leaps onto another, crushing the hood. The driver yells and begins firing his pistol, which he has the right to keep in case we ever need a well-armed militia.

Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie yanks him out of the car and throws him over the edge of the freeway. The man's last, defiant words linger in the air:

"Son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"

One flies into the Volvo and grabs the Key Taker. Finite looks back and fires at him, but One phases to avoid. The Key Taker leans back and starts whacking the Supremacist with Morphbus's cell phone, which he has for some reason. One growls and whacks the Taker with a stick, knocking him unconscious. 

Morphbus pulls up alongside and fires at One through the window. He tosses his dildo to Finite. "Get him!"

Finite reaches back and stabs One with the dildo. One phases and reappears on the highway behind the fleeing cars. Two sees this is an opportunity to rid himself of the annoying, tag-along twin who is always doing everything at the exact same time and guns the engine, but One just phases into his seat.

"We are so utterly pointless," he laments.

"Yes, we are," Two quietly agrees.

The Volvo comes to a stop on an overhang. Morphbus gets out, holding the dildo. "Go," he yells. "Take the Key Taker with you."

Finite nods and pushes him off the bridge. The Taker falls onto the freeway and gets run over by a truck with a bunch of motorcycle, which Finite lands on. She looks back and swears, jumping to rescue the Taker.

"Now what?" she asks. The Taker reaches over and shoves a man off his moped. "You are handy," Finite says to him.

They get on the moped and start off. Soon the policemen catch up and start shooting into the moped.

Morphbus walks towards the approaching SUV. When it turns the corner, it rolls over, and Morphbus shoots it, causing a huge explosion that blow him all the way onto the top of a truck. Finite throws him the Taker.

An Agent also comes onto the truck – Agent Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie. He throws Morphbus off the truck, but Morphbus is caught by a miraculous appearance by Dobbie.

Her license plate reads, "PIMP4EVA."

The Agent walks towards the Key Taker.

"All your base are belong to us."

"What you say???" screams the Taker.

"You will not survive to make your time."

"Move every zig!"

Morphbus hits the Agent off the truck, yelling "for great justice!"

Two trucks rush at each other. They collide, and Morphbus grabs the Key Taker and leaps into the air. Peo suddenly appears and grabs the Taker. Morphbus falls to the highway.

"Ow."

"Stop complaining," says Finite. "Or I'll kill you."

Dobbie runs over them both.


	7. Destiney Shcmestiny

** Chapter Seven: Destiny Shcmestiny**

The crews of the _ Nebizzle Two, _the _Pogo Stick, _and the _Comatose _are sitting in the back room of an adult movie store. Morphbus is sitting in a large, red lazy boy and sleeping. The Key Taker is explaining the way to get to the Source.

He holds up ten fingers.

"Ten words!" yells Peo. "First word…little word! Dick!"

The Key Taker looks at him strangely. Finite smacks him on the back of the head.

"Ow," Peo says, rubbing his head. "Fine. I QUIT!" He walks to a corner and starts sobbing. Suddenly, he begins talking.

"Why do you cry, Peo?" he asks himself. Then he answers himself.

"The bitch hit us. It hurts us!"

"We told you she would! We must get the precious…"

"Yes, the precious will be ours…"

Finite walks up and kicks Peo in the back. He returns to "normal." Morphbus wakes up.

"No, don't let the clowns get me!!!!" he yells. Everyone looks at him.

"What joo looking at, homes?" he yells. Everyone turns away. The Key Taker starts to talk.

"Well, since obviously you don't need me, I'll just tell you what to do and how to do it. Inside the building on the second floor, there's a bathroom where no door leads and no stairway reaches. Inside this bathroom is a stall which holds a toilet. When this toilet is flushed, the One will be sucked into the Source."

"What do you need us for, then?" Dobbie asks.

"If the toilet is flushed, a bomb will go off, unless the electricity goes out. We need you and Boast to take out the power plant and Boring and his crew to take out the backup generator. Unfortunately, they will be killed by a weapon the Sentinels invented in the past five seconds and Finite will have to do it. But we're not there yet."

Everyone nods sagely.

Dobbie sits in a car, staring at a power plant.

"You know," she begins, "Why do we get the larger target when we have a much smaller crew then Boring?"

"Because we can't die, and because this is a cooler level for Enter the Matrix," Boast answers.

"Oh, right, I forgot. Attack away."

Dobbie shakes her head. "Morphbus…what if you're wrong? What if the Prophecy is a lie?"

"Then tomorrow we may all be dead," he answers solemnly. Everyone starts panicking. Boring kicks the door open and walks out. Peo starts bawling and calling for his mommy. Dobbie starts stripping.

"What are you doing?" Boast asks.

"If this is our last night alive, I might as well enjoy it…"

"STOP!!!!" yells Morphbus. "I said _may_! Let me finish!"

Everyone calms down and comes back.

"As I was saying…how would that be different from any other day?"

"We'd all be dead," Dobbie says. Morphbus shoots her a look, and she shuts up.

"This is a war," he continues. "We are soldiers."

Peo shouts, "What? Since when?? I thought we were rebels! Soldiers _die!"_

The mention of the word die sends everyone into a panic again. Morphbus shouts for order.

"God, you people are idiots," he says. "Anyway…I believe this night holds for each and every one of us the very meaning of our lives."

"The meaning of our lives is to die?" Boast asks skeptically. Everyone starts yelling. Morphbus fires his gun for order. Boring's crew member, Hexadecimal, falls over with a bullet in her throat.

"Whoops. Anyway, as I was saying, when I see three ships, three crews, three captains…"

"I know this one! It's time to get your vision checked!" yells Peo.

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! I see PURPOSE! I see PROVIDENCE! I see SHIT!!!!!! JUST FUCKING GO!!!!!!!"

"God, calm down, Morphbus," Peo intones.

Boring and Hektor walk across the street. A car, driven by Dobbie, rockets around the corner and runs Hektor over. He gasps and dies.

Dobbie runs away from the power plant. It explodes. She cheers, then falls flat on her face.

"I need a drink."

Boring suddenly gets bitten by a vampire, strangled by a controller cord, trips over an Animatrix DVD and drowns in some PowerAde.

Finite says, "Oh shit. I gotta go in." She goes in.

Finite deactivates the thingy. Then she does some stuff. At places. With people. Then an Agent comes.

Morphbus and Peo and the Key Taker are sitting in a room. The lights go out. 

"It is time," the Key Taker says. They walk through the Programmer's Hallway and come out inside a bathroom. The first stall opens and Kiss comes out.

"Mister Handerson…"

The other stalls open and Elrond, Priscilla, and Raven come out. Peo runs and hides behind a sink. Morphbus runs out, and the clones all chase after him. The Key Taker gets shot a bunch of times.

When everyone is gone, Peo walks towards the middle stall. He opens it and flushes the toilet. It seems as if it is the Milky Way being flushed, and then Peo appears in a room in front of some old guy.

"I am the Architect. I created the Matrix and PowerAde."


	8. The Chicken are Coming

** Chapter Eight: The Chickens are Coming**

"I am the Architect," the old white German repeated, "but you can call me Colonel."

Peo nods. "Why am I here, Colonel?"

"Your presence is the sum of an unbalanced equation inherent to the writing of the script. While the writing process has altered your character, you still have no acting skills to speak of. Ergo, some of my answers you will react to, some of them you will not."

"You haven't answered my question," Peo says.

"That would be one of the reactions I was talking about. Hmm…that was also quicker then the others."

"What others?"

Finite runs along the hallway, flipping her phone out. She calls Clink.

"Clink! Remember the dream Peo had?"

"Yea. Why?"

"Well, what happened first?"

"You jumped out a window."

"Where's the nearest window?"

"Left! Now!"

Finite turns left and runs into a wall.

"The Matrix is older then you know," the Colonel continues. "I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral movie to the next – which would make this the second version of the Matrix."

"There are only two possible explanations," Peo says. "Either no one told me…or no one knew."

"Or you ignored them."

Peo stops, confused. The Colonel impatiently taps the pen against his chair armrest. He starts clicking the little clicky thing. Peo watches intently. He suddenly dashes up and knocks the pen out of the Colonel's hand.

"What the hell was that for?" the Colonel yells.

"You clicked it four times! It's gonna explode!"

The Colonel hits him over the head with his chair. "You idiot! This isn't James Bond!"

Peo rubs his head. "Sor-ry!"

Finite jumps out of the window, turning and firing. Agent Now Important to the Agents but Still Unimportant to the Move leaps out after her, firing his gun rapidly.

"You are here because the movie is about to end. The directors discovered at the end that no normal person could figure out what they were talking about. So they plunked me in here to explain it to the audience."

"Oh," Peo says.

"Yes."

There is a knocking and then the door bursts open. Paul Revere rides in on a horse.

"The chickens are coming! The chickens are coming!"

A large, rubber chicken claw reaches through the door and grabs him, pulling him back out.

"We have little time – the shit will soon hit the fan. You may ask me any questions you want."

"What's up with Kiss?"

"He has become a virus-like entity now, after he called the humans a virus in the first movie. It's horribly ironic, isn't it?"

"Sure…" Peo says dubiously. "Where did Dobbie and Boast get the data on the machine's plan, and how did they reach us in time?"

"For the answers to those questions, you should buy the Animatrix on video or DVD, and the game Enter the Matrix, available on all major consoles. I hear Xbox sucks though. You can even play as Neo!"

"Awesome!" Peo says. "Can I have a copy?"

"Sure," the Colonel says, tossing him a copy. Peo looks over it.

"This looks awesome."

"It is. And you get information that you can't get in the movie – like what happens to you later. You can play as Dobbie or Boast. It is the story behind the story."

"I can play as Boast? I _love _Boast!"

The Colonel looks at him strangely. "Anyway…next question."

"Okay…so what's up with all the television screens?"

Finite gets shot.

"Oh, those. Well, it's very lonely in here, so I use the screens to spy on people."

The screens flicker, revealing camera views of bathrooms, showers, changing rooms, and bedrooms. Peo looks around.

"Man, you got it pretty sweet. Where can I sign up?"

The Colonel chuckles to himself. A bloodcurdling scream comes from the left door, followed by a cluck of impeding doom.

"We have little time. The left door leads to the Script and the salvation of Zion. The right door leads you back the Matrix and the end of your movie. Choose, and act."

Peo makes a face. "Now he's Vergere. Great."

"Shut up," the Colonel adds wisely. Peo walks towards the right door.

"Hope…it is this movie's greatest strength, and simultaneously its greatest weakness."

"If I were you," Peo says. "I would hope not to see this movie again."

"You won't," Sanders says dismissively. "Oh, wait, I forgot. The Oracle is the mother of the Matrix."

"WHAT?"

"Bye now!" Sanders says, pushing Peo out the door as chickens explode in through the other door and attack. Peo uppercuts one, but two more hit him with a beak and he flies out backwards through the door, happening to fly under Finite as she falls and accidentally catching her.

"Damn."


	9. To Be Unscrambled

Author's Note: The last chapter! On the day of Revolutions! That worked out rather well, didn't it? Anyway, if you want to understand the last line of this chapter, read chapter 8 of my previous parody. It's not necessary, but it'll help you laugh:

**Chapter 9: To Be Unscrambled**

Peo comes to a stop on top of a large building and lays Finite down. 

"The bullet still inside," he taunts. 

"Then take it out!" she yelled, hitting him. 

"Fine…" sulks Peo. He reaches inside her and pulls the bullet out through her ass. The process is extremely painful, and she dies. Peo's phone rings. 

"Yes?" 

"You gotta bring her back," Clink says. "Morphbus is going crazy!" 

In the background, Peo hears a voice screaming "no! Mah bitch! I don't wanna have to use Peo!" 

Peo rolls his eyes and grabs his defibrillator from the Batman utility belt he sent away for when he was four. 

"Clear!" he says to no one. He presses it to Finite's chest and shocks her. She wakes up. Peo shocks her again. 

"Ow! I'm awake!" 

"…I knew that." 

Peo and the rest of the _Nebizzle II _crew sit inside the cafeteria. 

"I don't understand," Morphbus said. 

"Okay, I'm only gonna explain it one more time," Peo says. "The male takes this and puts it into that. You got it?" 

"No…" 

Finite sighs. "Never mind. The point is, Peo fucked up." 

"Did not!" 

"Did too!" 

"Nuh-uh!" 

"Yes, you did." 

"I know you are, but what am I?" 

"You're not even listening!" 

"I am rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me – " 

Finite kicks him in the balls. Peo hollers and hunches over. A beeping fills the ship. 

"Hey!" Clink calls. "We get signal!" 

"Turn main screen on," Morphbus orders. 

"Somebody set us up the bomb!" 

"What you say?" cries Morphbus in despair. 

"We have no chance to survive make your time!" 

Morphbus, Finite, and Peo rush out of the _Nebizzle II_ moments before a bomb hits it and destroys it with Clink still inside. 

"Yes!" cry Morphbus and Peo, exchanging high fives. 

"Hey, assholes, Sentinels are coming," Finite reminds them. "Let's go." 

They begin to run. The Sentinels catch up. 

"Shit," says Peo. "We're not gonna make it! TAKE FINITE! SHE'S THE REAL ONE!" 

"Bitch!" yells Finite, shooting her gun at Peo. He yells and falls into a coma. Morphbus stops running. 

"We make our stand here," he says, holding his middle finger out at the Sentinel. Peo's comatose form suddenly goes into spasms, and while the Sentinels are distracted Morphbus beats them over the head. Another hovercraft comes sailing over the ridge and crashes into the ground. The door opens. 

"It's the _Blammer!"_ Morphbus yells. "You've come to rescue us!" 

"…Sure…" the Captain says, looking around nervously. 

"Somebody triggered an EMP before our ships were in position," the Captain said. "In retaliation, Coward opened fire with his lasers. That made everyone else start firing. By the time the machines got there, most people had been slaughtered." 

"Were there any survivors?" 

"…One…" 

Laying across the table from Peo, also in a coma is…Bitch.

**TO BE UNSCRAMBLED**

Author's Note: Get it? It's Bitch, aka Switch, who also came back from the dead in my other parody...Huh? Huh? Never mind. Anyway, did you like it? Review and tell me! Every time you read and don't review, God kills a kitten. Save kittens, leave reviews! 


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